WHO OR WHAT'S GOT YOUR HEART?

The lyrics of a song from a few years back read: "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us, and a restless souls is searching. There's a God-shaped hole in all of us, and it's a void, that only You can fill."

The human heart was created to worship. One way or another, it finds something or someone to ascribe worship to. This fact is as certain as it is of a flute that is created to make music, or of a candle that is created to provide light. Of course, just because a candle was created to provide light, does not mean that it cannot be used for another purpose. It can decorate a birthday cake. It can be used in the preparation of an addict's drug fix. It can be used in the destructive act of arson. The possibilities are many, but they do not alter the fact that the candle was first and foremost created to illuminate its surroundings.

CONTEMPLATING THE INEXPLICABLE

A friend of mine recently asked me how I go about understanding God...what concretely defines my "handle" on him. If I was to go with the typical responses I'd expect to receive from many in religious or spiritual circles, I suppose there would be no shortage of trite and neatly packaged slogans and statements used to address the subject. The fact of the matter for me is that the business of attempting to define God falls into a similar kind of category to that of someone, blind from birth, being asked to describe what the sun looks like. There is little or no doubt that the phenomenon exists, but how to go about describing it when subject to such a limiting handicap would prove to be a very challenging task.

FRIENDS (Hebrews 10:23-25)

Shame on me. Less than a week into my blogging exploits and I've already missed a day. Tsk Tsk. Is there no end to my incompetence? Anyway...it's 3:32AM as I write this (I did indicate my affinity to the night, did I not?). I have nothing really ground breaking to share. I just wanted to give you blog addicts another morsel to chew on.

I was thinking just a little bit about friendship earlier tonight though. Genuine friendship is one of the greatest pleasures this life affords us, in my humble opinion. Some family are friends. All true friends are family. How many times in my life would I have been unable to summon the courage and strength to continue, had it not been for the selflessness and kindness of friends who stepped in and saved me...carried me...when the weight of my burdens were simply too much to bare. It's one of the most vivid indications we have of the sometimes seemingly unrecognizable love of an intangible God. The kindness, generosity and compassion of friends, invested into our lives, are some of the ways that an invisible God makes His tenderness and affection toward us as plain as day.

Will I accept it as such? Will I allow myself to receive it...when asking for or accepting help is a painful reminder of my vulnerability? Will I become it for someone else? To literally be the physical arms of a spiritual King, and lavish on my friends the goodness He gives. No man is an island. So the saying goes. Let us choose our friends wisely. Let us subject ourselves to their counsel prudently. Let us let go of the fallacy that we can do life alone. Technology has decreased the gaps between cultures, countries, and continents...yet the gap between me and my neighbor is at the risk of being greater than ever before. Friendship. Let us celebrate it. Cultivate it. May it be part of the mortar that holds us up and makes us strong, even as we hold up and strengthen the friends who help us along.

DIVINE INJUSTICE...

I came across this quote a few days ago that really spoke to me. It was at a time when I was struggling with intense loneliness and melancholy. The quote read: "I will not tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." I have no idea who this saying is accredited to, but the point remains nonetheless. I wonder sometimes about the nature of loneliness. What are its causes? What fuels and drives it? What is it an indication of? Sometimes no doubt, in my own life, it's a reminder of my insecurity; my dependency on relationships and need for community. Not necessarily a bad thing though, right? The line though between what is healthy and not there can be an indistinct one.

Could loneliness sometimes be linked to what I am to consider as part of partaking in the sufferings of Christ? In the so called First World, those of us who claim a devotion to Christ know relatively little of physical hardship for the sake of the Gospel. Perhaps our trials come in a more subtle, yet equally painful form. Rather than violently and swiftly inflicting their mark as a bullet or blade may do, they instead take up residence in our hearts and minds and steadily poison from within. The symptoms vary from a mild, numbing ache that we are barely aware of but never escape, to an inescapable, deafening sorrow that penetrates us in the midst of our solitude and into our very core. I wonder precisely how familiar Jesus was with this human condition. Surely, in the midst of his perfect communion with Abba, he must have longed for the unswerving affection and faithfulness of friends. Did he ever long for the soothing, comforting embrace of a woman he could love and who could love him in return? My theological mindset says of course not...but who knows? This Son of Man who was acquainted with grief; accompanied by sorrow...how much did the frailty of his own humanity cause him pain and woe? I wonder sometimes, in the midst of such enduring emptiness and sadness, how do I find my home; my sanctuary in the shadow of His wing? How do I defiantly sing in the midst of my storms, and stand on the rock that is Jesus as the tempests of life leave me unmoved and unshaken?

This mystery looms and lingers...inviting me to ponder it, wrestle it, unlock it. The days and nights roll by. Times of feeling isolated in the midst of a crowd. Times of emotional barrenness that no romantic companion was ever meant or equipped to address. A void within that so completely and unceasingly demands the person of Jesus, so as to render all other "remedies" pointless, powerless, pathetic and poor. I do not indulge much hope in my salvation from myself apart from the matchless, precious blood of Christ. "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above." Do you know that I love you? I hope so with all my heart. Because I often am unable to convince myself that I do...not nearly as faithfully and dearly as you deserve. Do you know that my heart of hearts is set apart for You and You alone? I wish that were true. Because I often live in ways that offend the notion of devotion to You. Do you know that if I could flick a switch...if it were as simple as that, that I would give you everything I have and am. I throw myself upon your love, mercy and grace. Deal not with me according to my deeds and choices. Give me what is not rightly mine. Give me a place at your table...a home in your presence. Give me your divine injustice...the result of a reward undeserved, and a verdict unearned. I am a babbling fool, a scrupulous wretch, a helpless infant apart from you. Lead me ever more to find you. I love you. Hopefully, more than I suspect.

INAUGURAL SPEW...

Well now...what a day of days to splash my first post on this site. Yes race fans...Valentine's Day it is. The kind of occasion I rank right up along those other noteworthy phenomena like root canals and unscratchable itches. OK...perhaps not that bad. Although some of my experiences of this day are fit for a Comedy Hall of Fame, if there is such a thing. Anyway, to whomever may be reading this, heartfelt greetings to you wherever and whenever in the world this message might find you.

True love. What exactly is that? How do we recognize it when it appears? How do we cherish and protect if once we've found it? How do we handle the disappointment of always being eluded by it? Is there such a thing as a genuine soul mate...that one person that God has destined for us to spend our lives with, before the foundations of the world were formed and laid. Or does God present us with a number of potential companions during the course of a lifetime, and permit us the freedom to choose one over another? Personally, I don't believe these statements to be mutually exclusive. The one thing I'm increasingly aware of about the Creator of the universe is His defiance of any box or neat little file we could try to categorize Him in. And His dealings with us His children are as perpetually unique as the very children that He has fashioned in His image.

Essentially, I believe that both of the scenarios previously mentioned are possible, and in some cases they are intricately entwined. Just because God has purposed for me to be with someone, it doesn't nullify or lesson the value inherent in my choosing to spend my life with them. No more than God enabling me with certain gifts and talents, and my choosing to embrace them and to pursue a calling that utilizes them. I could argue that the traits He created me with left me with little choice with regards to the course my life would take. But that completely dismisses my discernment in recognizing them, my courage in pursuing them, and my faithfulness is cultivating them. Now...a word of caution is required here I think. Just because someone was destined to be my companion does not give me the right to shake an angry fist heavenwards when the relationship falls apart. This is a error that people have often fallen into. "Lord...the woman YOU gave me led me into this...", said the man Adam. God may have ordained for two people to be together, but the responsibility to grow, protect and nurture their union is theirs, and theirs alone. If one thinks, as I do, that cases exist where two people were specifically meant for one another, there is as much requirement for commitment, loyalty, honesty, devotion and selflessness as in any other scenario...until death do them part.

It's a very intriguing and fascinating concept, predestination...whether in regards to relationships or other issues. The days of my life were all written out before I was formed in my mother's womb. That is what God's eternal word says of me. Does that mean that my gift of choice is eliminated? Does it mean that I am just some cowering mouse running inside a cosmic maze, at the mercy of an inflexible path? I think not. The maze is wide open...every interlinking corridor and passageway accessible for exploration. It's just that the infinite mind of a loving God sees my journey outside of the constraints of time and space. My choices, hopes, dreams...all laid bare before Him.

In this maze of life with it's seemingly paradoxical randomness and rigidness, my course in it is absolutely clear in the mind of God...as if there never really was any other option open to me at all. In life and love...I am like a mouse running along the paths I choose...with alternative options and avenues whizzing constantly by. I have every choice in the world available to me. My heavenly Father sees those choices as good as made. My path has always been known and fixed...in an endless maze of possibilities. This is the beautiful mystery of the mind of an adoring, hopeful, omniscient Father.