OUR OWN GOOD...

There can be no freedom without boundaries. No talk of liberty without constraints. True pleasure and satisfaction without remorse lies in the enjoyment of the gifts that God offers, within the context of self-control and moderation. It is a paradox. Seemingly, the way of abandoned surrender to our desires and obsessions would promise the quenching of our weary soul's thirsts. But it is a lie. That road is one that leads to vice, bondage, and slavery. A tennis match without rules erodes the meaning of the game. A diet without constraints undermines the purpose of a nutritional plan. A country governed without parameters breeds anarchy and chaos. In his wisdom, God has outlined His guidelines for humanity, in the hope that we would embrace them, and through living them out discover the fountain of joy, to which no sorrow or regret is added.

CHOOSE THIS DAY...

Well...some time has passed since I last put fingertips to keyboard in here. I'm not quite sure of the reason for the silence. It could be that I just didn't feel I had anything worthwhile to say for a while. Maybe it's the melancholy and depression I've been struggling against lately. Perhaps it's the disappointment and discouragement I feel over the often seemingly diluted nature of what I refer to as my faith in and devotion to Christ. Whatever the reason, I suppose it doesn't really matter too much. How does the saying go? "It's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog." I've been mindful again recently of the literal war that rages inside me for the dominion of my heart. Darkness...Light. Evil...Good. Hypocrisy...Integrity. satan...God. The former influences seduce, intimidate, deceive and manipulate. The latter invite, inspire, guide and liberate. And, in the midst of it all, the powerful weapon of choice has been entrusted to me. I'm granted the capacity to willfully align myself with either of these forces...to the eternal ruin or salvation of my soul.

There are many things in this life that I am unable to influence or control. I cannot control what the future holds and keep the challenges and storms of life at bay. I cannot change the fact that my existence in this world is etched out in territory under the influence of the devil...prone to corruption, imperfection and wickedness. I cannot change the fact that people around me will exercise their gift of choice in ways that don't always favor my preferences. I cannot change the reality that the road to moral, physical and spiritual degradation is almost always more pleasurable (at least in a carnal sense) to embrace than the road to honor, truth and goodness.

Yet I am not entirely without influence and choice. I can choose what I allow to be the focus of my faith. I can choose to buckle under the strife and strain of life or to stand confident in the grace and goodness of God. I can choose to focus on depression and despair or to celebrate the miracle of my sinful soul redeemed. I can choose to never, ever give up. To believe that in total defiance to all things painful and tainted, the flawless, unchanging faithfulness of Jehovah utters proclamations of hope, restoration, purpose and joy. To believe that in the end, in all things and through all things it is His sovereign word that rules over all. Over all. May he teach this vulnerable doubter to be a faith-soaked fighter.

EVERY MORNING...

I saw flowers blossom again for the first time this year. Yet again, the earth that God has formed reminds me that Winter was never meant to stay...gloom never meant to maintain. As surely as the days lengthen and the landscape brightens, God's mercies remain brand new each morning. The dawn of every new day finds Him turned toward me, arms outstretched, bidding me to claim the healing and grace that His Son died to purchase for my sake. I'm invited to invite within the warmth of a flawless love that ushers in newness and light and expels all traces of night. Life abundant. Peace transcendent. Joy resplendent. Love...always and forever...radiant as the Summer sun.

TAP ON THE SHOULDER...

There are a few simple things in life that make me feel like a million bucks. The kinds of things that, when they happen, remind me of the kind of man I always wanted to be. I was thinking back lately to some of these situations from my past.

A little 3 year old girl, hair as red, big and curly as a little Annie, a total stranger to me, seeing me from across a crowded room and running at top speed to wrap herself around my leg and not want to let go. To this day, I have no idea why that happened, but I know how it made me feel...trustworthy, innocent. Or like driving a beautiful girl home that I had just had a first date with, and seeing her fall asleep peacefully in the seat next to me, because she was totally convinced of the fact that she was safe in my company.

Or like in recent days, picking up and hugging a friend's little baby girl, and have her nestle her head into my shoulder and hold on close. These simple things are a beacon of light to me...an indication of the things that are worth aspiring to...of characteristics worth pursuing, of the kind of man that in the deepest part of me I hope to increasingly become. Noble. Gentle. Honorable. Thank you lady and babes...hint taken.

THE LITTLE THINGS...

I need to relearn the value of humble beginnings and small things. Not to be overwhelmed by the panoramic picture because of fear or ambition, but to find faithfulness and steadfastness in the persistent pursuit of the incremental daily priorities, that when diligently strung together spell out the makings of a destiny. I need to rediscover life in the now. This moment. There is so much capacity in me for wickedness, pride, sloth and apathy. So easy it is to be deluded by empty promises of tomorrow and the opportunities that await me there.

The epic journey. The colossal elephant. Undertaken with one step after the other. Consumed one bite after another. Repetition. Consistency. Habitual practice of a craft or a behavior might never bring about absolute perfection, but it would develop permanence, and that is how all true progress is made. Water breaks the rock not through sheer force, but through the perpetual drip and the constant flow. Mastery over the routine, the discipline, the everyday...this I believe is the key that unlocks the door of potential realized. This is the foundation on which greatness is built.

SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN...

Day by day,
Dear Lord God these three things I pray:
To see Thee more clearly,
To love Thee more dearly,
To follow Thee more nearly,
Day by day.
Amen.

Who among us can honestly and fervently pray the words from this little children's prayer, and in having it answered not greatly please and warm the heart of God? Simplicity over eloquence. Passion over professionalism. Honest pursuits of Truth over dogma. May each of us as God's little children cling yet again to innocence and guilessness. May it be said of me: "Let this little one come to me, and do not hinder him, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." May it be said of us all. (Mark 10:13-14)

"WHAT IF?"

Someone very close to me on the verge of death once told me that life is to be lived in such a way that when we arrive at the end of our journey, we have as little unanswered "What if?" questions as possible. It reminds me of a quote I once read. "Regret for things done can be tempered by time. It is regret for things not done that is inconsolable." While I don't believe this statement to be universally true, it does highlight a very relevant fact: There is far more lingering and painful regret attributed to things undone, than to things that should never have been done. This is a generalization of course, and there are undoubtedly many situations where the opposite is true. However, when I do something regrettable...there are lessons to be learned and there is wisdom to be gained if I embrace the humility to welcome them. Alternatively, for the things that I should have done and desired to do and have forever lost the opportunity to pursue...that kind of remorse can linger for a lifetime.

I'd much rather live my life in such a way that my scars and bruises are indications of my growth, as opposed to never having risked or ventured very much at all. A full life is about experiencing as many memorable moments as possible...for good or bad. I'd much rather look back on my days from the balcony of old age with an abundance of crests and troughs to reflect upon. This to me, is abundant life. Not safety. Not predictability. Rather...variety and extremity and all increments in between. Heart-wrenching valleys and breathtaking summits. But God willing, never the grey, apathetic twilight of inaction and neutrality that knows neither defeat nor victory. I refuse to believe and accept that this is the kind of meager existence I entered into this world for...irrelevance. No! I resist the seduction to retire to the grave entirely without incident. I will delight in the fight. I will safeguard my light, and NOT fade quietly into the night.

TRIALS IN A TENT...

The scene is the movie, "Matrix: Reloaded". Seraph has just attacked Neo and gestures with his hand to stop the fight:

Seraph: Good. The Oracle has many enemies. I had to be sure.
Neo: Of what?
Seraph: That you are The One.
Neo: Could've just asked.
Seraph: No. You do not truly know someone, until you fight them.

Every meaningful, genuine relationship will at some point be tested by the fire of conflict. I believe this is true of friendships, family, lovers...even a human being's relationship with the Creator of all things. In the latter, the wrestling takes place as a result of our inability or unwillingness to understand and embrace the work of God in our lives. There comes a time in all of the relationships we define as precious where strife or friction makes the thought of walking out on our commitment to the other seem very attractive. It is in having every opportunity and even desire (albeit selfish and ignorant at the time) to walk out on our relationship with Jesus, that we often discover the magnitude and weight of the communion we share with Him. In the time of testing we consider and remember the history we have with Him. We recall the moments when His loving embrace touched the deepest reaches of our hearts and left it's imprint on us as permanently as a tattoo on our souls.

Then we discover, in the midst of our pain and confusion, that while we've always had the freedom to renig on our friendship with God and turn our back on Him in rebellion, somewhere along the line that choice ceased to be an option. We have been touched too deeply...loved too completely...and we are no more able to walk out on His kindness than we are able to escape our own skin. We begin to understand that a sometimes hard road in the hands of a sovereign Savior is infinitely better than an often comfortable one in the hand of the world. Our devotion to Him is matured in the furnace of hardship. Sooner or later, every believer will find themselves like Jacob, in a tent with God wrestling until dawn (Genesis 32:22-28). The intensity and length of the night may vary from person to person, but the experience itself is universal to all earnest pursuits of faith. If we remain honest and persevere we'll walk away from it blessed all the more, cherishing it as an encounter with God...a place where we caught a fresh glimpse of His face, and walked (or limped) away forever changed by His grace.

IT'S ABOUT TIME

It's March 1st, 2007. It really is sobering to think about how fast time flies by. There's a subtlety to it that lulls me into a false sense of confidence with regards to how much time I think I have left to accomplish what I need to accomplish. As one moment flows into another, or even as I'm contemplating some future event or situation, it can easily appear as if the journey I'm on takes place at a snail's pace. I have all the time in the world. No need for all this rushing about and fretting over things undone. Yet somehow, when at any present moment I evaluate where I am, and the time it took to get here, it's apparent to me that the time has escaped me far faster than it seemed to pass in reaching this point. I've observed it time and time again. Christmas 2007 seems a significant ways off, and undoubtedly when it finally arrives I'll find myself wondering: "Where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday when it was Christmas a year ago.".

This reminds me of how precious the gift of life is...and how fragile. It challenges me to grasp the fact that the time to pursue my dreams is now! The time to seize my God-given destiny and become the man I am meant to be, is now! The time to live with purpose, savor each moment and take joy in the journey, is now! Diligence, stewardship, industriousness...these virtues demand my attention now. There are gifts and talents that I've been entrusted with that will never see the light of day unless I'm faithful and determined in drawing them out of me...now. Proverbs 6:9-11, Proverbs 14:23. Tomorrow...that is the realm of dreamers and sluggards. It is the language of loss and regret. It is only in embracing and fulfilling my responsibilities today that I find myself steadily reaping a significant purpose...one day at a time.

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

I often hear of the analogy made between the Christian life and the practical waging of war...and rightly so. Battle and war imagery used in depicting spiritual warfare is not a foreign concept when it comes to the Bible. One of the most recent struggles highlighted in Christian media has been the concept of "Every Man's Battle"...the struggle and fight for sexual purity and integrity. Of course, this is a conflict that applies to women as well, and one which has been addressed in similar fashion. And sexuality is but one of the areas where battle lines are being drawn in the name of righteousness and the advancement of God's kingdom. Believers around the world are being taught and challenged to wage war against carnal and ungodly desires including greed, unforgiveness and pride. So...I got to thinking one day.

Looking at lust as an example...which I'll define as a harmful, idolatrous, deviant and obsessive distortion of the beautiful God-inspired pleasure and gift we call sex: The nature of war implies a willful, deliberate resistance against a detestable enemy...an enemy whose ideals and intentions I am in complete opposition to. War also implies an authentic, passionate devotion to the values and characteristics of the entity to which I've pledged my allegiance...be that a king, a country, or an ideology. If this be the case, what am I to do when the alleged enemy I face is not only one I fail to hate, but one I've learned to co-exist with and tolerate...even indulge? What do I do when the kingdom who's interests I'm meant to enforce fails to rouse the previously mentioned passion and commitment in my heart toward it? How do I effectively and perpetually declare and wage war on the enemy of lust or any other demonic vice? It's my belief that this war, and a war it is indeed, is first and foremost fought and won or lost in the deepest reaches of my heart.

It starts with a heartfelt cry to my heavenly Father to be blessed with the supernatural gift of loving what He loves, and hating what He hates. It begins with me being grieved by my own sin in the same way that my sins grieve the heart of my God...and as passion for the glory of His name begins to run through my veins like an unquenchable flame. It is upon this passion that virtues like self-control find their strength. It's to the degree that my own desires are conformed to the will and desires of God, that I can expect a sustainable, genuine victory over the onslaught of depravity launched against me. The greater my hunger for purity, the greater my dedication to the fight for it. (Proverbs 16:26) If my desire for obedience to God is complacent and apathetic at best, my chances of resisting the seductions of hell are about as good as a snowball's chance of surviving in it.